Email Copy Samples Using Stories

Email Copy Samples Using Stories 1

Stories sell. That’s been established.

But, do you use storytelling to sell your products and services? More importantly, can you?

In this post, I will show you some email samples I’ve sent to my subscribers. These emails had good open rates and click-through rates.

Study them and notice how I use some copywriting techniques to link the story to a lesson.

Also, notice how I write my subject lines that spark curiosity, making readers eager to open the email.

And at the end, if you have any questions, I will give you an email address you can send your questions to.

Let’s begin:

Before that, let’s put things into perspective.

The average open rate for emails is 21.5%, according to Campaign Monitor. These emails had an open rate of 30% and up.

And some of them even had as high as an 8% click-through rate. And again, for records purposes, the average email click-through rate is between 2-5%.

Email 1:

Subject line: If you’ve tried everything…

Body Copy:

The root of all suffering is attachment.”

– Buddha

There was a Buddhist who lived on a hill away from the village.

One day an angry mob came to his door dragging a young girl and a baby with them.

She got pregnant and told them that the monk on the hill got her pregnant.

The villagers said she told them that he was the person responsible for the pregnancy. Then they demanded that he must take care of the child.

He said, “Ok” and took the child.

Years later,

The parents of the girl came back and apologized to the monk that he wasn’t the father of the child. The mother was just scared to tell them about the real father of the child.

They wanted the child back.

The monk said “Ok” and returned the child to them.

Attachment will ruin your life.

This is the reason people commit suicide when they get dumped, or when there’s a crash in the stock market.

Develop a mind that’s open to everything but attached to nothing.

Listen {{contact.first_name}},

Don’t get attached to your product.

If you’ve tried everything

But you’re not seeing sales come in

Pivot.

Don’t fall in love with your product.

If your market doesn’t want something,

Listen to them

And create a product they’re asking for.

That’s how you’ll strike gold in business.

Email 2

Subject line: Linking

Email body:

Let’s talk about linking for a moment.

What’s linking?

It’s the ability to take anything (a story, a fad, an object)… whatever it is…

And link it to your product or services.

You’ve read some of my emails,

And you’ve realized sometimes I start with a story and at the end, I link it to a copywriting lesson.

Here’s an example:

***********************

During WW1, Adolph Hitler lost his platoon and was wandering around in a bush.

He encountered an enemy soldier.

Hitler had no weapon and the other soldier had a loaded rifle.

So Hitler waited for his death.

But the other soldier signaled that he should go.

He saved Hitler’s life.

Fast forward to WW2 and, seeing all the atrocities caused by Hitler,

I’m sure the soldier would’ve wished he killed Hitler in that bush.

Listen,

As a business owner and copywriter,

When writing a sales copy and you notice something alien (You notice this when you’re editing your sales copy)

Remove it.

Or kill the son of a bitch so your sales letter won’t bomb (No pun intended).

Because if you don’t,

And you think it’s harmless

It may be the ONLY reason your sales letter doesn’t perform.

Go through your sales letter,

Look for words, phrases, or any other things that don’t belong in your sales letter…

And shoot it straight between the eyes.

*******************

See how I linked a story to a copywriting lesson?

Do this and you’ll hypnotize your prospects so bad they’ll be happy to do business with you.

I don’t do this all the time

But when I do

I get higher open rates and click-through rates.

Some readers even take their precious time in replying and telling me they loved the email.

As a business owner,

Use stories in your sales copies and link the lesson in the story to your sales letters and you’ll be rolling in sales.

Email 3

Subject Line: How to get everything you want

Email body:

Hey {{contact.first_name}},

I just read a thread on Twitter on how you can get anything you want in life.

And you can read the thread here.

But, for those who can’t access Twitter due to the restrictions…

Here it is…

How a kid living in a 3rd world country makes more money than you…

How a bold – ugly – fat dude gets more girls than you…

And a one-legged golfer plays better golf than you…

The ONE secret to success:

>>> A Thread Thread <<<

A long time ago I lived in the most crappy neighborhood in a distant city…

I had a neighbor.

His name was Phil.

Phil was fat and bold.

Not to mention hairy.

But here’s what was weird about him…

He would come home with a new girl every night.

So I asked him:

“Phil. How?”

I didn’t even have to continue. He immediately understood what I was talking about.

He looked at me for 10 seconds…

And walked away.

Leaving me puzzled.

I asked him again the next day. This time I was angry! 

“PHIL! COME ON!”

This time he answered:

“You won’t like my answer”…

And walked away.

But you know me…

I asked again the next day.

This time almost threatening him with a piece of metal I found on the ground.

I wanted an answer. And I wanted it now!

So here’s what he responded…

“Fine George. Meet me tonight at 20:00…”

“But”… he continued…

“You won’t like my answer”.

Darn this guy!

I made sure to come to our spot exactly at 7:45 PM. Just to make sure.

He appeared at 8:02 PM. And gestured with his hand ???? “come here”.

I walked toward him…

“Come with me” – he whispered.

After walking for about 20 minutes in complete silence… we came to a bar.

“Finally!” I thought.

I was gonna discover his secret! I was never as excited in my life.

We walked into a bar and sat down in front of the bartender. 

And then…

Phil stood up.

He walked up to a girl…

And BANGGG!

She slapped him like I’ve never seen before.

He walked back to where I was sitting… he was smiling.

“Phil. What the hell man??”

He smiled even more.

“I told you that you won’t like it. Didn’t I?”

I was so confused…

Until he explained:

“Listen. I go to a bar and approach one hundred women.”

He continued…

“I ask them if they would like to have sex with me”.

“One out of the 100 says yes – and then you see me taking her home with me”.

“Understand now?” He looked straight into my eyes…

I didn’t know what to say.

I was shocked.

But as life went on… I understood more and more…

Life is a numbers game. 

Or like Michael Jordan said – “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”.

And based on this philosophy…

If you don’t have what you want in life…

All you have to do is play a numbers game.

Doesn’t matter how bad you are… somebody will say yes.

And as you already know – one yes can change your life forever.

  • Life is a numbers game
  • You can win even if you’re BAD
  • The more you shoot the more you hit
  • Someone will always say yes
  • One yes can change your life
  • And that’s – kids — how I met your mother (Winking face).

If you’re a copywriter and you want more clients, get in touch with more people.

If you’re a business owner and you want more sales, get more people to your sales copy.

Simple, isn’t it?

Email 4

Subject line: How do you negotiate?

Email body:

It blows me away…

The world is full of simps parading themselves as men.

Low-value men with nothing to offer.

And hey, having a lot of money is not a definition of high value.

Who you are as a person defines you.

Because trust me, I’ve seen a lot of stupid, rich old men.

My definition of a low-value man is someone who never improves on himself and is satisfied with his current station in life.

A man whose main purpose in life is chasing after skirts.

A man who leaves his wife and children for a nineteen-year-old bimbo who would leave him the moment his money runs out.

Someone with nothing to offer but money.

This is a low-value man.

No wonder girls are making a fortune on onlyfans. (I haven’t really looked into onlyfans but I hear it’s a site where ladies post nude photos of themselves and men pay to see those pictures).

I heard about a lady who opened an onlyfans account and in just one day, made over a million dollars.

This is the level we’ve slumped to as men.

Imagine the rubbish!

Girls are using the fact that there are so many low-value simps-of-men who would pay to see them half-naked or fully naked to make tons of money.

Funny thing, I don’t even fault these girls.

It’s demand and supply.

Simps want naked pictures, girls give them naked pictures. Simple.

What has this got to do with copywriting?

Simple,

Don’t be desperate.

These girls see desperate men all the time on onlyfans and use the opportunity to make a shit ton of money.

To the ladies, (How many times did you say no to a guy because he was and looked desperate?)

No woman will date a guy who’s desperate.

Listen,

As a business owner, NEVER come across desperate to make a sale.

Set your terms and if they don’t like it, too bad.

Walk away.

Don’t beg, don’t even haggle.

This is how I negotiate anything…

I do my research and determine the price to pay or be paid.

I tell whoever I’m doing business with the price.

The moment they start haggling, I tell them… Nevermind.

And walk away.

I do this when I go to the market to buy anything.

Never appear desperate.

That’s how to make people walk all over you.

Same with business,

If you appear desperate to make the sale, your prospects will smell your desperation and lowball the heck out of you.

So, do your research and set your price.

And once you do, NEVER FLINCH!

Stay frosty,

Maku Seun.

P.S. There’s an exception.

When the majority of your prospects are telling you the price of your product or service is too high.

Don’t ignore it. That’s the market giving you feedback.

In this case, you listen to the market and make adjustments.

But when it’s just one person, ignore it.

Email 5

Subject line: There’s no magic involved

Email body

He drank the glass of water they gave him.

And proceeded to tell the lawyers how the town had treated him and his colleagues.

You see, Pete and his colleagues were thieves.

But according to Pete, stealing is an art and a noble one.

And hated to be cast in the same pond as those who hated and killed the Jews in ancient Russia.

So with this grievance in his heart, he and his colleagues decided to make their case in a court full of judges and lawyers to show them that they’re not to be hated like the jewkillers.

He told the judges how his colleagues have special skills and even asked some of them to demonstrate their skills to the judges and lawyers.

One stole a judge’s watch while shaking his hand.

Pete’s case was compelling and the judge decided to grant amnesty to the thieves.

When they were leaving the large courtroom, (both thieves and lawyers), in the raucous of many people trying to leave the doors at once, a thief stole one of the lawyers’ hats.

Eventually, Pete collected the hat and returned it to the lawyer.

You see, before a pickpocket steals from you, there must be contact.

There’s no magic involved,

You won’t even know that something has left your body.

What they do is…

They lock down on their target and know what they want from you (your wristwatch, phone, or wallet).

Then they “accidentally” bump into you, say sorry, and walk away.

You have no idea what happened until you get home and realize something’s missing.

By then, they’re long gone.

The key takeaway here is contact.

Never underestimate the power of contact in business.

And no, I’m not asking you to become a pickpocket.

What I’m saying is, as a business owner, your job is to constantly be in contact, and communicate with your audience and customers.

At least once a week, talk to them, ask them questions, and encourage them to ask you as many questions as they can.

This way, you get great feedback you can use in your sales letters to convert more visitors into buying customers.

Listen,

Your customers are like hot, 10/10 Instagram babes.

Every man (or business) is vying for her attention.

And if you don’t give her the attention she craves, she’ll leave you for someone who does.

That’s where she’ll give away all the *cookies*.

Therefore, if you want her in bed with you every night, pay attention to her.

And she’ll be forever loyal.

Email 6

Subject line: And he died on the spot

Email body:

You think you’re doing what’s best for them,

But in actuality…

You’re killing them.

Let me explain.

Kids are helpless, at least when they’re born.

And as parents, you see them that way for a long time… even until they’re in their thirties.

But the problem is, you don’t see how your action handicaps them.

You still see them as the helpless little baby you brought home from the hospital.

But the problem is, they’re no longer children.

And at an earlier age, they’re capable of doing things themselves but would rather not because daddy and mommy will do it for them.

And when they grow up, they can’t do simple things like think for themselves and take their destiny into their own hands.

But here’s the thing…

As parents, you can’t baby them forever.

They won’t always be in your arms or in the crib.

They will grow up, learn to walk, and go outside.

When that happens, when they go out there and face the world, they realize that it will chew them and spit them out quickly because you never provided them with the necessary tools and assistance they need to function on their own.

There was a story of a king who had a baby boy (The heir to the throne).

He never let this child go outside.

Security was always with him, helping him do everything.

Basically, this child never saw what was beyond the gates of the compound.

One day, the gate was open and for the first time, he saw outside the gate.

He was curious.

He went outside and was immediately hit by a car.

And he died on the spot.

He was 10 years old.

This is because he didn’t have the good sense to move away from an oncoming vehicle.

This example might be extreme and the consequence dire.

But in today’s world, we see these types of children in their thirties playing games in their parent’s basement, spending their parent’s money, and never having a clue what to do with their lives.

That’s why I respect people who think for themselves and learn how to create the life they want.

As a business owner or a copywriter, you chose this field, you’re kicking ass at it or you plan to kick ass at it.

This has eliminated you from the herd of mindless space wasters and has placed you among the top people in the world.

People who dream and act on their dreams.

Email 7

Subject line: This is a story of proof

Email body:

They did what teenagers do.

Three guys and two girls were having a good time out one afternoon and came across an old and tall reservoir with a rusted ladder on the side.

And after speculating what might be on the top of the reservoir… seeing that it doesn’t contain any water and has been out of commission for years.

One of the guys dared John to climb to the top.

After he refused, they began teasing him. (Like dumb teenagers do)

Then, Sarah, one of the girls joined in.

John and secretly been in love with Sarah since they were small.

And not to seem weak in front of his crush…

He decided to climb.

Halfway up the rusted ladder, John knew he’d made a terrible mistake.

But it was too late to back down.

He kept going.

The sweat on his face entering his eyes made it difficult for him to see where he was going.

(Creak)

The ladder moved.

He looked down and his friends were now small dots and quiet.

He could hear Sarah shout at him, “come back down

Creak!

He looked up and realized the ladder was about to detach from the reservoir at the top.

He was about thirty feet from the ground.

Creeaaaak!

The ladder came off.

This is a story of proof.

In this world, you have no business proving to anyone that you can do something unless yourself.

In copywriting and in business, your job isn’t to prove to some random dude that you can write amazing copy or get them 10x their investment.

It’s your job to prove it to yourself.

Yes, testimonials are great and you’ll get more clients and sales.

Use them in your sales offer to increase conversion.

But the problem with cheers and criticism is that it gets addictive and you get complacent.

And you stop trying.

Prove to yourself that you can deliver.

When you hit a new sales record, your next goal should be to beat that record.

Read books, go to seminars, buy courses.

Do whatever you can to get to that next level in your business and career.

Even if it’s just starting a business…

Prove to yourself that you’re ready to do what it takes, ethically, to achieve success.

Email 8

Subject line: Face all your fears then get at me

Email body:

“Face all your fears then get at me”

If you’re not a hip-hop fan, that’s the lyric to Migos’s Motosport song.

And even though the rest of the lyric on that verse was nonsense (because sometimes no one knows what these mumble rappers say in their songs)…

They do have a point.

Face all your fears!

But let’s get one thing straight here,

I’m not asking you to go into a lion’s den.

That’s a good way to get eaten.

I’m talking about the fears of life. (Starting a business, asking a girl out, asking a boy out, doing something completely new).

Noted, the fear of doing something new or putting yourself out there is real.

Most of us would rather sit at home, in our safety, without facing rejection and humiliation.

And I don’t blame you. The world is tough.

And if that’s the life you want to live, there’s no shame in that.

But if you dream of achieving more in life, if you want wealth, recognition, respect, and admiration…

You must put yourself out there.

Enter the arena of life and fight with sweat, tears, and blood.

Granted, some people will insult you, throw garbage at you (metaphorically speaking) and curse you out.

But if there’s something pulling at you from within, telling you that you can do more, be more, and have more…

You must put yourself out there.

Or else you’ll regret it a whole lot at the end of your life.

And trust me, you don’t want to feel the pain of regret.

That’s why you downloaded my free copywriting tips when you signed up for this newsletter.

Because you want to do more with your life.

You want to be an active participant in the game of life and leave knowing that you left it all on the table, win or lose.

And whatever the outcome, you’ll be proud of yourself knowing that you tried.

And having joined the newsletter is the first part of the equation.

Yes, I will continue to give you more amazing copywriting tips to increase the conversion of your sales letters and boost sales for your business or clients.

But to take it to the next level, you’ll have to take action today to implement everything I teach you.

And if you can save these tips as I send them, cool.

Email 9

Subject line: If you want to boost sales

Email body:

It doesn’t matter who you are,

A business owner or a copywriter.

Although if you’re a copywriter, you’ll get more business by positioning yourself as a business owner.

Because let’s face it,

You’re a business owner.

Anyways, it doesn’t matter who you are.

If you want to boost sales.

You have to understand human psychology.

Because people buy with emotions and try to justify their purchase with logic.

When you understand this, you’ll know that when selling to people, face to face or on a screen…

You’ll have to appeal to their emotions.

You’ll have to dig deep into their psyche and peel out that one thing that they want the most.

And here’s the thing…

What they say they want isn’t what they want. (Human beings are funny like that).

For example,

Your child was sent home from school because you haven’t paid his/her school fees.

Now, to you, you want more money.

But deep down, you want people to respect you.

You want your kids to never face the shame of being called out in class and sent home in front of all their friends because they don’t have money.

You don’t want teachers and neighbors to look at you weird because you don’t have money to train your children.

Do you see what I mean?

When selling to anyone, physically or online…

After you’ve decided what it is you’re selling and you’ve nailed down their persona.

Your next task is to drill deep into their emotions and get them to weep inside for your solution.

And once you’re able to do this, you can get any man born of a woman to do whatever you want them to do.

This is the power of a good salesperson.

But I must warn you…

Don’t misuse it for your own personal gain.

Only use when the prospect is going to gain something (making more money) and obviously, you’ll gain something too.

That’s it

These are just some of my emails that left the industry standard in the dust.

Also, notice that I removed the P.S. part of the email because that’s just me promoting my courses. So it’s not needed here.

Anyways, I hope you have learned something or two from these emails. Notice how I chose the subject line and how I write the body copy of my emails.

Also, notice how I use curiosity in these emails.

I promise you, if you study these emails, you too will start writing the type of emails that blows the dust off industry standards and put more money in your pocket and that of your clients.

If you have any questions about these emails and some of the techniques I used, send an email to makucopy@gmail.com. I will respond.

If you want emails that’ll improve your online sales, click here.

The Complete Copywriting Course

Maku Seun is a freelance copywriter and direct response marketer. He helps digital marketers, coaches, and course creators boost sales by writing compelling sales copy which includes long-form sales letters, email copy, and website copy for their products and services. If you want him to write compelling sales copy for your business, click here.